Reading Multiple GMail accounts using the computer user

I've had a bit of a hack in place for reading my two gmail accounts. I would open two copies of firefox (or mozilla), but using two different logins. The second would do an su and run the other firefox copy. E.g., I'd run firefox as user tiger, and then run firefox as user tiger1. I could then read my bopolissimus@gmail.com account as tiger, and the other firefox running as tiger1 would read bopolissimus.lists@gmail.com.

It worked out that way (couldn't read bopolissimus.lists@gmail.com as tiger) since when I'd surf to www.gmail.com, the browser would notice that it already had a cookie for there and would identify itself with that cookie.

I just noticed that it *is* possible to open two different gmail accounts as the same (linux logged in) user. Firefox has a -P parameter (for profile). The solution is:

1. start firefox with the -P parameter. This allows you to create,edit,delete profiles.
2. create two profiles (or one profile for the other account, use the default profile
for the first account).
3. when starting firefox, specify which profile to use with -P

This isn't as big a deal as it might seem, since the normal thing to do would
be to create a launcher (shortcut) on the desktop. For the main account,
set the program to run as "firefox -P default", and for the other account,
set it to "firefox -P [whatever_the_other_profile_is]".

Netscape has always had that feature, as does mozilla, I think. I just never
used profiles before. Now it comes in handy though.

Misc Articles

I read a lot. mostly online, but dead tree too. I often find
something worth passing on, but I rarely do. No time, lazy,
not online. http://www.jerrypournelle.com is a good source
for good articles and discussion.

Here's one. Not my country, don't care that much. One of
the things that I didn't like about life in the US though.

A Nation of Wimps

Focus on the first derivative

Things to do/learn

Things I need to do or learn when I find the time (not anytime soon, but maybe one thing at a time on weekends when current project is done).

1. Switch to Subversion from CVS (might do this soon).
2. Learn how to set up drbd (vmware or UML for testing).
3. Learn Postgresql Slony replication.
4. Set up bugzilla and mantisbt (the one just for fun, the other, probably for use).
5. Test setting up heartbeat and virtual servers (#2, maybe watch ian or cedric set this up?
More fun to figure it out on my own, but takes a lot longer :)
6. Test setting up ypserv and ypbind
7. openldap na rin for PAM and email and other auth...
8. Java this, Java that, lots of new stuff to look at there.
9. Test MySQL transactions (InnoDB) and subselects (latest version). Of course MySQL
really isn't usable yet for serious databases until something like plpgsql becomes
available for it. But it's getting there.

hahay, kailan pa ba magkaka-oras para sa lahat na iyan.

GMail forwarding

Ian sison just pointed out that GMail now allows a filter to forward matching email to be forwarded to another email address. That looks like free email forwarding. I wonder how long that'll remain free. Mail.com had free email forwarding, but they eventually made that a payware feature (which is why I lost tiger@kami.com, since I couldn't remember the password, since I only used the forwarding).

This is a great feature, allowing easy off-gmail archiving of email (I've actually turned the corner and prefer using gmail, previously I couldn't stand webmail and only used eudora, sylpheed, kmail, or evolution, whichever of those clients I was using at the time).

CVS on USB flashdisk

I recently got a sandisk 128MB USB flash disk and I've decided to use it as my CVS repository (or arch, I'm looking into that, or svn, I'll look into that after I look at arch). I shuttle between multiple sites, and they're not all on the internet. Some of them are completely firewalled off from the world.

I don't share the repository with anyone, so there's no problem keeping it in usb. Of course that wouldn't work well for a team. But for me, well, I just like having all my code, editing history, and releases in a repository, so a USB disk is fine as a repository.

The only thing I'm worried about is the write cycle. Need to research on that. Some flash memories are supposed to have only a limited number of write cycles and beyond that limit it's not possible to write to the device anymore.

Porting blogs

I've got another blog on another server but I'll be moving those posts here. Did one already, I'll be doing the rest slowly. Maybe one or two posts a day. I won't be doing the comments though. Not motivated enough for that. Hmmm, I should go over there and get the mysql database so I've got it here, in case the server goes away.

Consulting

I recently moved into consulting, after a few comfortable and enjoyable years developing software for an internet service provider.

I'm enjoying it a lot. It's not the money (I've seen more of that than I used to make, but I've also moved to where things are more expensive, so things even out). Rather, it's the fact that I work with many different technologies, so I get to learn more as I work.

Lately, I've been learning postgresql functions and triggers in plpgsql. I went back to something I used to do all the time, code generation. I wrote a multi-threaded program in C/C++ and learned the benefits of STL at the same time. Of course I already knew what the STL could give me, I just hadn't actually experienced the benefits yet.
After using STL for a few days, I dropped my handcrafted string and container classes.

Doxygen is great and I'll be getting into PHP+SOAP (it should really be java+SOAP or something similar, but I need quick wins, like results within a week, and java is too complicated for that kind of thing, maybe on my next project I'll work with java).

One thing about consulting is, there's always something different happening, so burnout due to boredom won't happen. Although burnout due to stress is always a possibility :). But then I can usually set my own schedule, so that's *less* likely than it seems.

Frits Psot

http://bopolissimus.sni.ph seems to be down and I'm not sure when that server will come back up. So I'm starting this one.

GMail Retroactive filter application

I‘ve wanted to apply filters retroactively in Gmail (i.e., if I‘ve got 10MB of mail in GMail and now I want to organize it into labels, I create the labels, create the filters to auto-archive and set labels, but how do I apply the same filter to old mail?). There didn‘t seem to be an obvious way to do that. But then that’s because I was thinking about it as “applying filters”. So naturally I was looking for it in the Filter stuff (create, edit, delete, test, etc).

As it happens, there’s a simple way to do retroactive filters in GMail. Just search for the relevant email using the search function. It’s not going to be exactly the same as filtering, UNLESS one uses the “Show search options” link. That brings up a dialog box similar to create a filter, except it works only for one search.

After the relevant emails have been found, it’s a simple matter to select them all and apply a label and (i like to do this so they go away from the inbox but are still in the label/folders) archive them. It’s not quite as easy as it might be, but it works. Now I just need to remember that that’s how it’s done.

No I'm Not

Fratman wonders if I‘m a failed fraternity candidate sourgraping.

My answer is, No, I‘m not.

I never had the desire to join a fraternity. I just didn‘t need to (some people join because of the objective benefits they gain, frat study resources, etc), nor did i want to (some people join for barkadahan and belonging, i didn‘t need that from a fraternity, i joined UP Psych Soc instead, more fun, more girls, and all the study resources I needed).

I didn‘t need any of that pain either. Joining a group that would beat me up so I could prove I could take pain seemed illogical to me. Plus I have a pretty high pain threshold and quite a bit of pride. They might beat me to death because I wouldn‘t fold. I suppose if other people want to do it, well, that’s up to them. I‘m not too hyper about people getting into fraternities and getting beaten up even to the point of dying. after all, they made the choice to join. I grieve for their mothers, but, frankly, well, the candidates chose freely. So I don‘t get exercised by that.

What I rant about in that original post though is fraternities getting into frat wars and killing members of other fraternities. Sometimes, or perhaps often, members who weren‘t particularly war freaks anyway. I figure, if one or two people in one fraternity have a problem with someone else in another fraternity, they could find a way to have a fair fight between just the people involved. But no, usually it becomes a matter of fraternity pride and anyone on the other side is fair game. And the occasional innocent bystander hurt or killed in the rumble is just a statistic. Neither fraternity will pay anything for the innocent bystander’s pain.

But back to Fratman’s point, no, I was never a candidate for fraternity membership. I never wanted it, it never made sense, I don’t now and never have given a flying fornication for the idea.

Twenty Questions ni Juan Ekis

Twenty Questions ni Juan Ekis [General] — bopolissimus @ 4:24 pm

I saw this in forwarded email. It was horribly mangled by all the forwarding markup. I looked on the web and couldn‘t find anything not similarly mangled. So I edited it (spent far too freaking much time, which is why I‘m “http://www.indwes.edu/Faculty/bcupp/things/Characters/www/windows-chars.html“> pissed off at Microsoft just now, I‘d like to link to the debogotifying windows HTML too, but i can‘t remember what the correct google magic incantation would be, so instead I link to something much more moderate :), demangled it a bit, and now I post the cleaner version here. It’s not perfect, I was editing in my mailer, and I like fixed width lines, so there are hard carriage returns at the ends of the lines (which WordPress will convert into
n, i guess).

One act play it may be, but that’s a long one act play :). This supposedly won first prize in the palanca awards, one-act play, but I don‘t see a reference to it (well, actually, i can‘t find the Palanca Award’s website, the closest thing to an official site that i find [well, i didn‘t search too hard, just the first two pages of google results] is “http://www.geocities.com/icasocot/palanca_about.html“>here). I don‘t see it either in the list of “http://www.geocities.com/icasocot/palanca_winners.html“>Palanca Award Winners although I do wonder why there was such a series of years with no winners. So, for now, I don‘t put very much credence in the first prize assertion.

There are quite a few posts on blogs that have this, but most of them have one or another horribly mangled version. And the original (it probably started life as a post to a mailing list, by someone who uses outlook, and therefore used the windows character set, which is still causing problems for the rest of civilization) had bogus characters. In my mailer the single quote (as used in, for instance, “ano‘ng“) came out as a question mark and space (“? “). On, for instance, “http://www.tabulas.com/~tigress/content/6129.html“>Tigress‘ blog it shows as the even more grotesque “$B%1(B”. But, warning, that might not display right on your browser, which makes my point some more, i suppose).

—

Twenty Questions
…………………..Ni Juan Ekis

MGA TAUHAN

Jigs - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi.Magtatrabaho bilang
researcher sa isang financial firm

Yumi - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead
kay Jigs.

TAGPO

Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort.

Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos
ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man.
Naaawa ako sa? yo e.
Tabi na tayo sa kama.

JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.

YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no.
Malaki naman itong kama e.

Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.

JIGS Sure ka?

YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?

JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?

YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot
na divider.

JIGS Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati
ang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa.
Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya:
? Puppy Love and other Stories? ni F. Sionil Jose.

Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music
habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI Do you mind?

JIGS No, go ahead. I‘m just reading.

Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang
di maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI I can‘t believe our friends.

JIGS Oo nga e.

YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila ?to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada
o kaya sa bagong…ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka.
Congrats.

JIGS Thanks.

YUMI So what‘re your plans?

JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng
BPI sa OTP nila.

YUMI Wow naman. In demand.

JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition
anyway?

YUMI (Matatawa) You won‘t believe it.

JIGS Ikaw?

YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.

JIGS So why did you start it?

YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon.
Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya
kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko,
magsimula kami ng tradition.

Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae.
Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin
sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we‘ll all
see what happens.

Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at
Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.

JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!

YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.

JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?

YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?

JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa‘kin sa barkada e.

YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don‘t see
any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima
this year, unless may crush ka sa‘kin na di ko alam at alam
nila (tatawa).

JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).

YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.

JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang
biktima.

YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They‘re getting married
kailan?

Sa June yata.

JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at
isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng
walang mangyari doon!

YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)

JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?

YUMI Ano‘ng disgrasya?

JIGS Alam mo na ?yun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa? no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka
naman. Di mo masabi.

JIGS Ang alin?

YUMI Ang sex!

JIGS Hah!

YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?

JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.

YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!

JIGS Excuse me?

YUMI Sabihin mo nga: ? Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!?

JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.

YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third
year.

JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we‘re gonna last three days.

YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa‘kin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI We‘re gonna survive this one.

JIGS What makes you so sure?

YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive
pero I‘ve no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka‘

JIGS Same here.

YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don‘t
have time for this? (Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang
CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni
Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa.
Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.

YUMI May chips ba diyan?

JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha
ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI Since we‘re gonna be stuck naman with each other for three
days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na
lang natin.

JIGS What do you mean?

YUMI Get the wine, let’s have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang
and we‘re gonna be the first failure of this tradition.

JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.)

When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo
na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin
silang umamin sa isa‘t isa. Pero us…

YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?

JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!

YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition!

Magto-toast sila at iinom.

JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let’s make our stay here more interesting…

YUMI What’s with the ate?

JIGS Fine…

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para
magkwentuhan.

JIGS Let’s play twenty questions.

YUMI Sige! Ano yon?

JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita,
tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa‘t isa. Alternate
tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can‘t ask the question that I
already asked.

YUMI That’s pretty interesting.

JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.

YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in
the room. Ok?

JIGS Of course. You wanna start?

YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si
Jigs)

JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo
sa buhay?

YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge.
Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.

JIGS Simula pa lang e.

YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba…?

JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?

YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako…I‘m a frustrated ballet dancer.

JIGS Talaga?

YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong
disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero
I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance
parati kong kaiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng
tanong mo. Walang thrill.

JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa‘kin mamaya.

YUMI We‘ll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your
sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla
ka?

JIGS Never.

YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.

JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.

YUMI Homophobe ka ba?

JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?

YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?

JIGS I‘m straight, okay?

YUMI I‘m not asking if you‘re gay or not. I‘m asking
kung…

JIGS Never nga.

YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung
first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your
girlfriend to us.

JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!

YUMI E pa? no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi
mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging
gentleman mo. Too good to be true. You have a good body,
it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front mo
lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging
maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty…

Tatawa lang si Jigs.

YUMI So we thought it’s either that or you were planning to
become a priest.

JIGS What?!

YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta
ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba…

JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.

YUMI Of course not. I didn‘t mean that!

JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn‘t make me gay!

YUMI So you did want to become a priest…

JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family…
and be a father.

Tahimik.

YUMI So you‘re not gay.

JIGS No.

YUMI You never…

JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It’s
my turn.

YUMI Homophobe ka no?

JIGS Hindi kaya!

YUMI Whatever…

JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.

YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.

JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?

YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga
tanong mo e.

JIGS The object of this game is not to win.

YUMI E ano pa ba?

JIGS To get to know the other person.

YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill
ang isang game kung walang nananalo.

JIGS Sagot.

YUMI May time limit ba ?to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.

JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom)
To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako,
magsisimula ako ng sarili ako nangg botique or bar, o kaya,
magiging artista ako sa pelikula.

JIGS Not bad.

YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang
competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at
pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko
na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng
botique.

JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?

YUMI Yuck!

JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon
dumadaan.

YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!

JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib!
(Tatawa)

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga!
Akala ko goody-goody ka…Hindi ko papatulan ang
pagbobold kahit ano‘ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako,
may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.

JIGS Ganito? Ano? ng ganito?

Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.
YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex,
sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine
pa nga!

JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?

YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako
na‘ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong.
Bigatan naman natin nang konti…Inom ka muna.

Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.

YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.

Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.
Tahimik.

JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.

YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman
ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.

JIGS Wine pa?

YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS Yung crush ko kasi…siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung
pinakamaganda sa barkada.

YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa‘kin ang pinakagwapo
si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg…

JIGS Yung literally na may dating‘walang tanung-tanong.
Yung kahit sino? ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively,
siya ang isasagot.

YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing
game. C‘mon man. Play your own game. Pa‘no na kung truth
or dare to e di pahirapan na.

Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.

JIGS Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom.
Biglang matatawa.

YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?

JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?

YUMI You can say it to my face, I won‘t bite. Bakit hirap
na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject?
Parang tanong lang e…Wine pa nga!

JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na…

YUMI (Ngiti) Gee…thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan
naman nangyari ito?

JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush
in the barkada…NOW?

YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.

JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang
tanong mo, first crush ko.

YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball ‘to, tambak
ka na.

JIGS Just answer the question.

YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don‘t have time for
these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?

JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.

YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang
kailangan kong sumagot…hmmm…teka…sino nga ba?
Sino ba‘ng crush material sa barkada?

Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.

JIGS Yung seryoso naman.

YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang…

JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.

YUMI Uy! Pa‘no ba ‘yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush
kita…yiheee

(Tatawa).

JIGS Dati pa ‘yon no!

YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano
namang ginawa ko?
Tsk. Tsk.

JIGS Is that your question na?

YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman…di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI Fine. Here’s a little juicy question:
Describe your first kiss.

JIGS That’s not even a question.

YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS Wet.

YUMI Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi
kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa
kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo.

E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya
sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako
nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako.
E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto,
sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat.

Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang
feeling e. Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay
pareho…

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si
Krissy ba to?

JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.

YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?

JIGS Nope.

YUMI Ha?

JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin
e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa
isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin
na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa‘t isa. Pero
hanggang doon na lang.

YUMI What happened after?

JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work.
Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then,
I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.

YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.

JIGS Ikaw, pa? no yung first kiss mo?

YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit
ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng
tanungin ‘yan!

JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom
ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the
naughtiest thing you ever did?

YUMI ‘Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba‘ng ibig mong sabihin
ng naughty?

JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.

YUMI Hmmm…marami e…(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.

JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting
naman…

YUMI Eto na…I had two boyfriends at the same time.

JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.

YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.

JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?

YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako
(matatawa).

JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo‘t ginawa mo
‘yon, aber?

YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko sila
pareho e. Ano‘ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill.
Alam mo ‘yon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa
isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre,
kasi, alternate sila!

(Tatawa) Akala n‘yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng
gumawa no‘n?

JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?

YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman
ang love dun. I was…having fun!

JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?

YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It’s my turn.

JIGS Don‘t you want to answer the question anyway?

YUMI My turn!

JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs
ng isa pa sa ref.

JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.

YUMI Are you still a virgin?

JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?

YUMI That’s my fourth question.

JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI Don‘t tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni
Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?

JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.

YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don‘t believe it!

JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?

YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.

JIGS Insulto ba ‘yon?

YUMI Compliment ‘yon, tanga.

JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.

YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?

JIGS Alin? Sex?

YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!

JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang ‘yon sa
tao no? Nasa iyo na lang ‘yan kung ano? ng gagawin mo
sa urge na ‘yon.

YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean,
pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka.
Pareho lang ‘yon, di ba?

JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi.
At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag
nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo
kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo.
Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain,
di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain
diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon ‘yan.

YUMI And sex is the same?

JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At
least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.

YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing
lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!

JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto,
mali.

YUMI And what is that context?

JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na
natin yan.

Tahimik.

JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin
ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba? ng ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat
kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!

JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain
ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya
tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga
paniniwala ko…No need to get so cross about it,

Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS It’s not about being a virgin or not. It’s about
putting things into their proper places.

YUMI I‘m not arguing with you.

JIGS Me neither. I‘m just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan.

Ngingiti si Jigs.

Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang
train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine
para kay Yumi.

JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still
wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more
to go. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Shoot me.

JIGS Who was your first lay?

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So
ina-assume mo na hindi na ako virgin?

JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang
nananalo e. So I guess I‘m winning. Saka wala naman
akong inimply na ganun a! I‘m just hitting two birds with
one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot:
wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?

YUMI Ang daya mo.

JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.

YUMI You think I‘ll answer that after giving your sermon,
Father Jigs?

JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko.
Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I‘ll respect them as well as I
know you respect mine. I‘m no saint. I‘m just trying to
get to know you better. (Ngingiti)

YUMI How do you do that?

JIGS Alin?

YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way
you say things…parang bumabaliktad sa ‘yo…makes you
more…charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita
kakausapin.

JIGS You can‘t walk out. We‘re locked here for three days
except for meals.

YUMI So I‘m forced to like you para di masira ang vacation
ko.(Ngingiti)

JIGS You don‘t have to answer my question if you don‘t
want.

YUMI I guess I‘ll be honest with you as you were honest
with me…

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my
first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo
na…typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it
on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it
was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We
made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other.
Tapos, yun…yun na. We went back just in time for the
awarding of the prom queen.

Guess what, I won pa.
(Mahinang tawa)

JIGS What was it like?

YUMI Now that I look back, it isn‘t as special as I thought
it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just
led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones
raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused.

Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo
yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin
mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect.

Everything was magical…well, almost.

JIGS Almost…?

YUMI Sa next question mo na ‘yan. Ako na.

JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.

YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa? kin no?
(Tatawa)

JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na.
(Tatawa)

YUMI Engot. Hindi ‘yon. Here’s something na curious
lang ako. Kasi I‘ve been hearing things…saka you‘ve
hinted on it na rin kanina…Are you still with Krissy?

JIGS Hindi na.

YUMI Since when?

JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?

YUMI Sino‘ng nakipag-break?

JIGS Pareho kami.

YUMI Why?

JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na
it won‘t work. Isa na do‘n, magkaiba kami ng gustong
mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.

YUMI Like what?

JIGS Marami.

YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years
with her?

JIGS People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move in
with her.

YUMI Talaga?

JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon
namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing.
Tutal, she’s working na naman,ako naman bagong graduate,
we should try out na raw living together if it‘ll work
for us.

YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?

JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano
pa‘ng ikakatakot mo, di ba?

YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?

JIGS It’s just that, It’s not my thing.

YUMI Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang
opportunities!
(Matatawa)

JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.

YUMI Fine.

JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga
ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano‘n. Na-shock
siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step
sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being
together and knowing each other, we‘re practically
ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I
realized, I‘m not ready for any of these. Narealize
ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years
ago sa ideals ko ngayon.

I need to mature some more to get into this thing I mean,
getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako…

YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.

JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig
sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a
couple minus the commitment?

Pa‘no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think
that’s the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung
it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging
successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement
ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap
sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa)
Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa
lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI Are you always like that?

JIGS Like what?

YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa
relationships.

JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and
error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI So, No hard feelings?

JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa
bahay e.

YUMI That’s nice.

JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI That’s your sixth na ha?

JIGS Sure.

YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin
ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about…sex.
Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?

JIGS Of course.

YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba?
I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So
of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang
sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako.
Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning
yung “making love” di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating
ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with
yourself and with your partner.

So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually
starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip
yung sarili ko. Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala
ko perfect na…

JIGS Ano‘ng nangyari?

YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako
ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya,
hindi pa ba sapat na proof ‘yon? Na I‘m saving myself
for that right moment, that special moment between
us? Alam mo‘ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako!

JIGS You deserve someone better.

YUMI Talaga!

YUMI Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of
meaningless sex, when I‘m looking for the real thing,
saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng
buhay no?

JIGS That’s the way we must learn.

YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience
yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through
those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least,
ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Iinom ng wine.

YUMI Ikaw ba, importante sa ‘yo na virgin ang
mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?

JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan ‘yan. Pero now
that you‘ve mentioned it…It doesn‘t matter kung
virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I
value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real
gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na
lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko.

It’s like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her.
Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn‘t care. As
long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don‘t expect her to give
me the same gift. I don‘t do something because I expect
people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang
sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin ‘yon.
Masaya na ako sa ganoon.

YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that’s the nicest
thing I ever heard from a guy. That’s why I always
enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.

JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal
to love?

YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I
mean, after the first time na…you know…sa Senior
prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos
naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung
naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love.
I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then
I felt empty. So empty. That’s why I wanted to change.
I wanted to believe in “making love.” And I‘m still
looking for it.

Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt
that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body
but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone
to touch my soul. To “make love” to my soul through
my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na ‘ko sa dami ng
relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan
ko pa iyon. That’s why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?

JIGS You still have your soul…(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?

JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.

YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my
seventh question. So give a name.

JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging
asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi.
Iinom ng wine.

JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then,
it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still
do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out
na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS My turn?

YUMI Shoot me.

JIGS Tell me something…a secret. Yung wala kahit isang
nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS You trust me naman di ba?

YUMI Well, you‘ve earned it, alright.

JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sa ‘yo. Sinagot ko lahat
ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)

YUMI I uhm…

JIGS Yes…?

YUMI I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to
go.

Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I‘ll tell you something no one in the world knows
except one other person. And that person probably forgot
all about me already.

JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?

YUMI Ano ka ba?

JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.

YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.

JIGS Promise.

YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan
mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.

JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.

YUMI Okay…(Pause) I…I was with Joel then… (Magiging
mas seryoso ang tono niya) …and Zach. I wasn‘t really
with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel,
alam mo na…making out and stuff…Well, anyway, I was
kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I
were…you know…doing it. And…

JIGS And…?

YUMI Uhm…I…uhm…I got pregnant.

JIGS What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I uhm…shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm…
Two months akong delayed…then I took that test. I found
out na buntis nga ako…and Joel found out about Zach
(maluha-luha na) and I didn‘t know what to say, you
know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw
lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn‘t really love him? Na wala
lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and…I..uhm…
I was afraid and uhm…

(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)

JIGS It’s okay…

YUMI I uhm…hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left
me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him
come back but I don‘t think he‘d believe me after the
thing with Zach…and…my parents are gonna kill
me if…shit. (iiyak)

JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito)
Ssshhh…you don‘t have to tell me this if it upsets you…

YUMI And so I went to a clinic…(hahagulgol) I didn‘t
mean to, Jiggs. I wasn‘t myself then. And I felt so afraid.
So alone…

JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh…

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si
Yumi.

JIGS Alam ba ‘to ni Joel?

YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam
ay yung duktor sa clinic. God…(iiyak) Oh God…

JIGS It’s alright…

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin
niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang. Matagal
na katahimikan.

YUMI Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng
kama. Kukunin ang yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa
at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI Thanks…

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI If we were…if we were the last two people on earth,
would you consider doing it with me?

JIGS Doing what?

YUMI Alam mo na…

JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)

YUMI Gago mo. (Ngingiti)

JIGS Ngumiti rin.

YUMI So? Would you?

JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan
si Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

YUMI Shut up nga!

JIGS That’s your eight na, ha?

YUMI I lost count. Answer it.

JIGS Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi
sa balikat ni Jigs.

JIGS If you could be something else, what would you be?

YUMI I dunno…maybe a violin…yeah. Violin siguro.

JIGS Bakit?

YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin and its
player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist,
ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of
the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of
the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy,
very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere
sa isa‘t isa.

Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The
violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and
her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared
to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin
parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want
to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want
to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Pa‘no mo malalamang in-love ka na?

JIGS Paano? I don‘t think there’s a formula to that.
Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba
nangyari sa akin ‘yon? I‘d like to believe na yun na nga
‘yon…yung kay Krissy…

YUMI Kwento mo nga…paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo
nga si Krissy?

JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa…korni actually. Babalik na
naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo
sa korni.

YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.

JIGS I heard bells.

YUMI Ano?

JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may
narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung
iniimagine ko lang ‘yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa
nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.

YUMI Seryoso ka ba?

JIGS O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may
nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig
akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako.

Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko
na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic.
Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized
the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.

YUMI Korni nga. (Matatawa)

JIGS Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag
naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo.
O lasing lang ako?

Tahimik.

JIGS I‘m into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.

JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of this
tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again…
who would you want the next guy to be?

YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to…
Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense
makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who‘d
stroke my strings…not even. Yung mapapatunog niya
ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik)
Lumuluwag na ang dila ko…kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi
ko. (Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap…
I think It’s better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya.

YUMI I can‘t believe I just said that.

Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI don‘t you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si
Jigs)

YUMI Yes.

DILIM.

Spam Classification Results from an informal test

I‘d been noticing that “http://www.spamassassin.org“>SpamAssassin, at a threshold of 4.5 and even with its built-in Bayesian scoring was just not performing as well as “http://www.bogofilter.org“>Bogofilter, which ONLY has Bayesian scoring (but of course, I tweaked the spam and ham cutoffs and other parameters around 3 months ago). I decided to do an informal test.

Procedure:

0. I used my already trained bogofilter and sa-learn setups. For about a month now, I‘ve
been taking spam that bogofilter found but that spamassassin did not determine to be
spam, and I‘ve been feeding them to sa-learn in hopes that spamassassin would eventually
score them as spam since spamassassin would learn through its bayesian test about the
spam that it had not found before. However, even after a month of this training, I see
the result documented below (i.e., spamassassin’s bayesian component doesn‘t seem to
learn very well).

1. Get Mboxes from various sources. The Mboxes include spam and ham

2. Run the email through spamassassin and bogofilter. The bogofilter wordlist does not
include any spamassassin markup because all email is run through a filter that removes
such markup (and performs other cleanup, e.g., removing all lines with too many
consecutive characters without whitespace, the main effect of this is to throw away attachments
that are encoded via MIME, BASE-64 or other encoding schemes).

3. Have evolution group the email into ham, mail that only bogofilter thought was spam,
mail that only spamassassin thought was spam, and mail that both thought was spam.

4. Eyeball all that email (very quickly, mainly looking at from and subject lines, and then
viewing the body of suspicious email).

At the end of all that, I see the following numbers:

On the positive side for both:

1339 spam correctly classified by bogofilter

1337 spam correctly classified by both bogofilter and spamassassin

697 non-spam correctly classified by both bogofilter and spamassassin

0 false negatives by either bogofilter or spamassassin

0 false positives misclassified by bogofilter

On the minus side:

104 bogofilter false-negatives (spam that bogofilter didn‘t classify, all these false negatives were also misclassified as negatives by spamassassin)

90 false positives misclassified by spamassassin only (bogofilter correctly said they were not spam)

SpamAssassin has too high a false positive rate for me. Any false positives are a major problem since, with so much spam overwhelming the nonspam, false positives are very likely to hide in the spam noise and thus get lost. And while the rate here is very low in terms of probability, that is still too high for me.

False negatives aren‘t such a big deal since basically, the amount of spam is cut down to 1/100th or less of the true spam volume and the little spam left in inboxes is merely a nuisance and not the productivity destroyer that it used to be.

Given these results, where fully half of the spam I found is not correctly classified by SpamAssassin, I cannot afford to use only SpamAssassin. Of course, possibly my threshold of 4.5 is too high, but with the already too high levels of false positives now, lowering the threshold to catch more spam will mean that there will be an increase in false positives too.

I‘ll continue my current system where both spamassassin and bogofilter are in use.

Email that bogofilter doesn‘t flag as spam but spamassassin does, is examined and, if it’s really spam, sent to bogofilter for training.

If it’s not really spam, then it’s sent to sa-learn for training as –ham, so that the bayesian component will eventually learn that it isn‘t spam and, hopefully, contribute to decreasing the spamassassin scores of similar email in the future.

Email that bogofilter flags as spam but spamassassin doesn‘t is examined and if it’s really spam, is sent to sa-learn for training.

If it isn‘t spam, then it’s sent to sa-learn for training as –ham

Email that neither bogofilter nor SA classifies as spam but which *are* spam (false negatives) are trained as spam in both

I generally just delete email that is flagged as spam by both since my false positive rates are zero, I haven‘t seen any false positives from bogofilter, or from bogofilter+spamassassin in a year

Mailbomb DDOS and Postfix solution

We‘resuddenly getting hit by a DDoS that’s mailbombing our SMTP server with many simultaneous incoming emails for email addresses that don‘t exist. So we‘re getting a lot of errors in our logs about rejected email because of “User unknown in local recipient table”. It took us a while to get a handle on this. We got part of the way with some hacks, but the server was still unstable. I posted questions on “http://plug.linux.org.ph“>the Philippine Linux User’s Group mailing list and the postfix-users mailing list, and I‘ve got a recipe of things to mitigate the problem.

Orly at mozcom says to do:

disable_vrfy_command = yes
smtpd_banner = $myhostname NO UCE ESMTP
smtpd_delay_reject = no

# slowing down bad clients [added recommendations from wietse]
# we NEED hard_error_limit in order for dictionary-attack stoppage to work
smtpd_error_sleep_time = 0s
smtpd_soft_error_limit = 5
smtpd_hard_error_limit = 10
smtpd_timeout = 30s

and Victor Duchovni on the postfix mailing list gave me the smtp_error_sleep time thing too. Thanks to both.

We‘ve checked with upstream and downstream mailservers and they‘re not getting bombed. So it’s probably a targetted DDoS. Some competitor in CDO is sufficiently worried about us that they‘re willing to pay real money to have thousands of zombie computers out there (many of the IPs resolve to dsl and cable companies in the states, so they‘re always-on, high bandwidth, cracked-wide-open windows boxes being orchestrated to attack us at the same time) attack us. We had a similar problem around midnight one night, very high UDP packets coming in. Ah well, there’s probably no way to trace this back to the person or company that commissioned this short of going and finding the person/persons who cracked those zombie machines and, well, dismembering them little by little until they squeal.